2/14...

A journal entry from today...

I was really tired today. I didn't get home until 2ish in the morning last night and then I got up just before 5:30 to get ready to work today. It was a very slow moving morning and it was like the engine just didn't want to turn over. Finally got moving at a normal speed and was at work. Today was my second day of work and it seemed like I learned how to almost everything that does not involve serving food. I monitored Parmelee and then they had me help Bob because he was by himself and had a lot to do with filling of the condiment type of things. Then they also put me on dish because Pablo was the only one in dish. So I would monitor and then go and help dish if I could and then I would go and help Bob some more. Then it was back to monitor and the cycle repeated itself all morning long. Then I sat down for maybe 10ish minutes to eat a quick lunch and I was moved to helping PM cooks. Scrubbed potatoes and oiled them. Seasoned chicken and put on tray to be cooked later. Then I diced 5 pounds of green peppers.

A cool God story from today. I was working on filling things for Bob and one of the managers came in and was all disgruntled because she found out that we were going to be getting 35-40 junior high students. I guess that age range seems to make a mess of the place and she just kept going on and on about how long it was going to take to clean up. So I prayed that these students would be different and they they would be well behaved and not make as much of a mess. I asked the manager later on in the day how they did and she said they did very well and was surprised by how they acted. Thanks God for an answer to prayer!

I worked 6:30-3:30 and was wiped out by the end. I went to the student center and I was going to work on some stuff but that didn't happen because I passed out. I slept for maybe an hour but oh how I loved that hour. Got to hang out with Josh which is always a blast. We talked about idols and how way back in the day they literally had a wooden idol and they would worship that. We thought about what it would be like with our 21st century brains and how we have idols but they look totally different from what they looked like back then. I got rid of caffeine and the computer for a while because they did become an idol for me. It wasn't like I wouldn't bow down and worship them but they took the place of where God should have been the whole time. They certainly didn't give me any sort of satisfaction that only God can give.

Then it was time for the outreach class. It went by fast and there si much that I need to work on this week. Went to my leader meeting and this is when things got a little hard. We start off by how each of us is doing and so I started off and I just kept talking. I mean, that is what I do but I was able to vocalize a lot of what I was thinking which was good.

They asked about work and so I told them all that I had done today and then they asked how my other job was going. I realized that this is probably going to be one of the hardest jobs that I have ever had. In all of my other jobs, including the dining center, I clock in and start to work and there is an exact list of things that I can do throughout my day. By the end of the day I can see the fruit of my labor and all that I had done. It is rewarding to be able to see that and it has been so engrained into me that I try and look for that in what I do with this internship.

There is not a time that I clock in or out and there is not anything I can do to cross something off a list and there isn't necessarily anyone that is looking over me constantly to see how I am doing and what I am doing for my work. So much of this job is a war within myself as I try to stay encouraged because I probably will not see much of the fruit of my labor and that there is a lot of dying to myself to go and do things when I don't want to. To have a lifestyle of outreach and not just a certain time or place for outreach.

*omitted section due to not being able to put it online. There are some things going on in life that are not extremely encouraging. If you ask, I am willing to share most of them but not willing to put them online so you will have to ask me personally*

So I was walking home discouraged and I had my ipod repeating Our God by Chris Tomlin to try and pound some truth back into this head of mine. I got home and I just knew that I needed to do some reading because if I would try and comfort the only place God can comfort with just another idol of mine. I've been in John and chapter 4 has been extremely awesome!

I read the passage about Jesus and the women of Samaria. I specifically read John 4:35-38 and it just sang to my heart.

"Do you not say, 'There are yet four months, then comes the harvest'? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest. Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together. For here the saying holds true, 'One sows and another reaps.' I sent you to reap that for which you did not labor. Others have labored, and you have entered into their labor."

I felt like I was should not be receiving the wages I have been paid for what I have done so far because I had not really seen much of anything that I would be able to claim as fruit. But this has a different perspective and the perspective that I have had has been focus on me me me me me. When I look at God for what the best is for my life and for the lives around me and for the things that happen in my life and so much more, everything will turn out for the better.

I hope that this has been as much of an encouragement to you as it has been to me. Happy Valentines day and I hope that you remember that God has the perfect relationship that anyone can have. I had a blast today because I know that the relationship I have with God is a whole lot better than any relationship I will ever have here on Earth.